Odd, I created this space to write, and then I didn’t. Believe it or not that isn’t typical of me. I have written a lot for Reed, or perhaps AT Reed would be more accurate, but not to share.
Why today? ( especially as I am ‘high’ on medication and after rereading the entire post several times, am confused as to why I started writing it in the first place? LOL) I can’t actually answer that. With Google shutting down google plus in a few weeks, I found myself pouring over old chats from when I first started down this road years ago. Why I said *I* and not we is because I had started to live submission before bringing it to Reed. It occurred to me reading these old chats/emails that in some small way, I miss the ‘simplicity’ of it all when life was new with ttwd. Though I have to say, back then it felt anything but simple.
Years ago there was a post floating around comparing Dd and those attempting it to the game Trivial Pursuit. The basic premise of the post was we all start off with empty game pieces. Some people zoom around the board at a rapid pace, not collecting any pieces, or accumulating many depending on their knowledge ( Dd wise-experiences and opportunities). Life throws many things at us, and we are all so different that one Dd team may get the consistency pie piece right away, but the effective communication piece might be illusive for a while ( as a simple example).
I think of this often when I think of where I am specifically with my submission and where we are as a ‘team’. Years into Dd D/s I have found we have what some would consider ‘newbie’ issues- but issues we didn’t have as newbies. Reed creating more submission opportunities comes to mind. Yes, I still believe that the onus is on me to be the most authentic me I can be and that means being a submissive regardless of life around me. However life isn’t that cut and dry. Often mistakes, and miscommunication derail my once steadfast conviction to my authentic self. Honestly I believe we have even created new bad habits in the past couple of years.
Where once upon a time I looked for any indication of dominance and blew oxygen into that. Years later I find I often LOOK for the dominance before feeling my submission. ( Yet oddly enough after Reed goes to work and I am alone, I begin to work on it myself again) In my mind’s eye, that shouldn’t be. In my memory it wasn’t like that prior. BUT I suppose we didn’t collect that piece of the pie when we landed on it years ago?
My real reasoning for bringing up the Trivial Pursuit analogy was because I revisited a blog I hadn’t in a very long time because I basically couldn’t relate before. Not that the author wasn’t a good writer or that I didn’t find value in their dynamic, it just wasn’t something I could draw from, at the time. Today was different. Today ( my take away at least) she wrote about how she can do submissive things though not easily ( I have always felt submission for the most part on a day to day basis comes easily- but perhaps Reed doesn’t require much from me. On an emotional day? Not so much) but the greatest growth for her comes when he demands more than she thinks she can give. Today we seem to be working on the same pie piece.
There has always been that debate among friends and myself- is it truly submission if it is easy? if it doesn’t cost anything? * That usually gets the subs going in a conversation! LOL. My personal answer? Not for me. I should probably expand that to include, sure it is submission for him visually, and without those little acts of submission the big ones would never happen, but my growth, ease, and acceptance of who I am comes with the more challenging ‘acts’ of submission. Sort of like an artist sitting down to colour versus an artist painting an original work of art. Or maybe a runner going around the block instead of running 5k. ( can’t say we’ve approached marathon status to use that in the analogy). The every day little jaunts keep one in shape, to a point, but leaves the knowledge that what can be done isn’t required- especially if what can be done, HAS been done.
It is something I have noticed with many of my DdD/s friends over the years. The more the balance of power is authentically shifted, even if only in pockets of time, the more we therefore expect it to be- and stay. I believe that is the natural progression of a submissive. Ideally that is also the natural progression of a Dominant as well. Sadly they are horrible followers! LOL
There is a trust built, and I hesitate to say perhaps a level of submission and dominance came hand in hand with that trust. When those levels of submission and/or dominance appear watered down, for a day, a week, a month, or even a isolated situation depending on the individuals involved, that trust can seem or become askew. I’m not saying it SHOULD be, but for many- such as myself, it can be.
So why after so many years is this even an issue? Why indeed? Perhaps we didn’t conquer and obtain the piece of the pie initially because it was truly difficult for the team? Perhaps we have a similar category piece of the pie, and believed it was the same so didn’t try for it? Or a more honest answer might be, the longer we are in pursuit, the more the rules change because the players, while the same are different as they grow along.